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Mental Health America

of Hendricks County

Mental Health Tips - Compromise

PERFECTING THE ART OF COMPROMISE

When Hot Scalds and cold freezes - warm

When all is too much and nothing is too little - half

When Black Masks and White Blinds - Grey

Though not all of life's differences are easy to resolve, most can be settled through compromise - reaching a mutual agreement on opposing issues, great and small. Conflict can energize people and benefit relationships by introducing new views and strategies. Unresolved differences, however, can strain relations at work and home. Compromise helps manage conflict and promotes positive relationships. Agreeing to compromise means realizing the importance of the issue to all parties and expressing a desire to settle the difference in a way that will benefit the relationship as a whole. For most people, compromise is not a natural talent, but is a skill sharpened through experience and effort, a process that requires opposing parties to hear each other out.

WEAR THE OTHER SHOE: An important strategy when compromising is to listen to the opposing side first. Allowing your adversary to express his/her views can provide valuable insight and possibly correct any misconceptions. Sitting back and listening suggests that you are receptive, which may make others more willing to negotiate. Additionally, understanding the other person's point of view and outlook on the situation may help you better establish your position.

EXAMINE YOUR STANCE: Before you confront the issue, outline your concerns and counter-arguments on paper. Decide what issues are most important to you and consider areas in which you can give a little. For instance, if you and your spouse are having problems dividing housework, separate chores you feel must be shared from those that can be performed solo.

BE OPEN TO CHANGE: When a disagreement or conflict occurs, change is necessary in order for the situation to improve. Compromise is only possible if everyone is willing to adjust his/her behavior in some way. Decide what changes you can make to help solve the problem and come up with alternatives - multiple options increase the likelihood that all parties will ultimately be satisfied. Make sure your adjustments do not leave you feeling overlooked, disregarded or un-empowered.

BE OBJECTIVE: Talking things out objectively solves disputes and discourages unwarranted emotions and irrational behavior. The best way to prevent emotional outbursts is to review your thoughts before discussing them with an adversary. If a conversation causes you to feel angry, hurt, vengeful or defensive, step back and analyze the other person's comments objectively. If you honestly feel a comment was unfair or out-of-line, calmly discuss it with the other person.

DON'T BLAME: Telling people they are wrong and placing blame causes anger and hurt feelings - roadblocks to compromise. Instead, try to focus on shared problems and goals. For instance, if you and a coworker are having trouble meeting deadlines, discuss what can be done to make your current system more efficient, rather that who is responsible for the problem. Avoid using the word "you" which tends to pin responsibility on the other person.

Everyone can learn to compromise, and compromise is an important ingredient for successful relationships. The ability to agree on little issues make agreeing on big issues possibly - decisions that can make or break a relationship. When people are able to mutually arrive at a solution, work is likely to get done, and relationship are likely to continue - happily.